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💀DOOM NUMBER💀 ISN’T BACK AND IS HOPEFULLY DEAD FOR A LONG TIME HERE IS THE 🌈NUMBER OF DESTINY🌈



#**🌈NUMBER OF DESTINY🌈: *13*!**

#**LET ME EXPLAIN**:
The **🌈NUMBER OF DESTINY🌈** is derived by taking the forecasted playoff cutoff point, and figuring out how many games we have to win to beat it. Right now, we need to win 🌈13 WINS🌈 to be able to fully relax in the most promising post season of all time.

#**CREATIVE WRITING ASSIGNMENT**:
Last Sunday I was awoken by the lights flickering on and off (SPOOKY) at around 7am. I was able to ignore it, but the soft mammalian musical cry and moist fingerless flipper arm of my bedmate (WITHOLDING NAME, NOT OFFICIAL, STILL TALKING STAGE) kept insisting I investigate what’s going on. I crept through the house to the basement, and under my collection of 1990s-era Dana Murzyn BUILDING A WINNER posters the hard light of the old **💀DOOM MACHINE💀** indicated it was hard at work. But the noise was horrible. Instead of the usual hard “uhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm” Benning mumbles it usually emminated out into the room, it was distinctly making a new noise. The sound of a single, clear cherub voice rising above the rest.

*”Cause….. you look so good
Tell me why you wanna work here?
I put you on the front page of a King magazine,
But you goin’ get yourself hurt here”*

The machine was no longer producing terrible sparks, and after a thorough investigation I understood why. In setting up the **💀DOOM MACHINE💀** the BIOS had been set to “*Depressing Horrors That Never Cease*” instead of the factory advertised “*T-Pain*”. During it’s awakening from the last snow-induced power outage a jumper must have been …. jumped? Anyways. The loading screen on the monitor is a unicorn and we’re on the positivity train now 🎺TOOT TOOT🎺.

#RECORD AND TRENDS:
*Current record:* **32-11-4**
*Current division place (by points %):* **1st Pacific**
*Current league place (by points %):* **2nd NHL**
*Current end of year pace:* **119 Points**
*Last 10:* **8-1-1**

What kind of pace do we need to make playoffs?: **We need to play like a 61 point team**

Right now the playoffs is predicted to be around: **94 points**
To reach that we would need a record of: **13-22-0 in the remaining 35 games**

#PROFESSIONAL PREDICTIONS:

[Athletic](https://theathletic.com/) finishing points/playoff chances [PAYWALL]: **100%** (110 pts)
[Moneypuck](http://moneypuck.com/predictions.htm) playoff chances: **99.95%** (114 pts)
[HockeyViz](https://hockeyviz.com/) finishing points/playoff chances: **99.3%** (105.5pts)

by elrizzy

17 Comments

  1. ^^^If ^^^you’re ^^^a ^^^depressing ^^^weirdo ^^^the ^^^💀DOOM ^^^NUMBER💀 ^^^is ^^^22.5

    OOPS SORRY dunno why I posted here, please delete

  2. JDMintz718

    We need to win 6227020800 more games to make the playoffs? We’re screwed

  3. Judge24601

    “We need to play like a 61 point team to make playoffs”

    Pinch me I’ve been dreaming for months, apparently

  4. metrichustle

    The problem is going 13-22-0 means the Canucks crashed down to earth and lost a ton of momentum. A team entering the post-season with a below .500 record doesn’t fare well, and it’ll likely mean Oilers and/or Golden Knights surpassed us.

    Basically, we need to continue this pace at .700~ points % to go deep

  5. DishwasherFromSurrey

    Remember back in November when I asked you to create a doom number for the oilers? I think we fucked with some black magic or some shit there

  6. Keep playing hot. To avoid the Oilers in the first round.

  7. 21marvel1

    Number of Destiny going to be hit by the beginning of March at this point

  8. I’ll be thinking about the moist fingerless flipper arm of your bedmate all day thanks

  9. ebb_omega

    > We need to play like a 61 point team

    We need to play like a 61 point team

    ##We need to play like a 61 point team

    ###We need to play like a 61 point team

    #GET ON THIS FUCK BUS

  10. GiraffePrint_Speeder

    Let’s start by beating the two teams that’s name starts with Blue this week.

  11. kidcanada0

    All I got from that was 13 winning streak incoming for a 45-11-4 record. Seems legit. Good work!

  12. novacrasher

    I almost excited puked at the sight of *13*. Holly ballz is that awesome.

  13. DisplacedNovaScotian

    I prefer numbers of destiny over doom numbers.

  14. CtrlShiftAltDel

    What a fucking refreshing breath of fresh air.

  15. unbannedcoug

    Lol reading this feels like it’s 2020 and I’m reading some WSB bro’s DD post

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