No one asked, but I pick the Leafs as my Eastern Conference team.

I am a Vegas Golden Knights fan first and foremost but I need an eastern conference team to be more invested in the other half of the league. I’ve been diligently researching and experimenting with various teams but this week our lab technicians have had a break through and discovered the Leafs as the most viable option.

Allow me to share an in-depth, science-based rationale for why the Leafs are objectively the best team to support in the East:

1. You formerly had Phil the Thrill.
2. You currently have Ryan Reaves.
3. Your sweaters are arguably the best in the league, despite so many people erroneously claiming Chicago has the best jerseys.
4. Shoresy takes place in Ontario.
5. I found this picture of Auston Matthews and he looks like he’d be a cool guy. Solid vibe. He rolled the dice on the mustache and it seems to be working out. I also feel like he could be into van art.
6. 69 goals. Nice.
7. I enjoy Labatt’s beer.
8. Toronto gave the world Rick Moranis *and* John Candy.

Finally, and this may be the most compelling reason to bandwagon the Leafs, your success seems to immediately bring r/nhl and r/hockey pain. Their pain brings me joy, and I can’t think of a way to upset them more than a VGK/Leafs SCF.

That all being said, do you have a published beginner’s guide or some sort of promotional pamphlet than can teach me the basics for being a casual Leafs fan? Do I have to like Paul Bissonnette?

by Waffeln_Remix