Sharing this mostly to get the emotions off my chest, and also to remind myself that above all else, hockey is the best.
The last few months have been tough. Not only is the income for a graduate intern/therapist-in-training, shall we politely say, real bad, my wife and I had begun noticing some quirks in our almost 6-year-old son (herein referred to as The Boy and/or Little Buddy). Nothing major, but little things that seemed to be slowly adding up to bigger things – a hesitance to try anything new, struggles with anything outside of his existing structure, and a noticeable decrease in enjoyment of things he previously looked forward to. I'll admit to lots of nights filled with crying as I've laid in bed wondering what I could even do to help him.
The only thing that has consistently made him excited is Colorado Avalanche hockey. He loves to watch the games with me, ask questions all about the sport, the arenas, and more. He's got an old hand me down jersey from when I was a kid that he wears constantly and would probably never take off if we'd let him. He pretty quickly latched on to Nathan MacKinnon as his favorite, and now constantly points out when he sees 29 on anything and randomly makes comments like "Did you know Nathan MacKinnon is a champion?"
A friend incredibly generously offered the boy and I free tickets to a suite for the home opener – the first and likely only time he and I will ever have that chance. It didn't matter that the game sucked and we lost. Little Buddy was in shock and awe of the spectacle and just found the whole experience amazing. Still, I noticed small things that were red flags about his behavior. Loud noises that bothered him to the point he needed to hide; almost panicking if he couldn't hold my entire body, not just my hand. Trouble navigating crowds and asking to sit down in the middle of the concourse.
Both my wife and I have mental disorders we manage every day, and specifically for myself I have ADHD and an anxiety disorder. So we suspected our little buddy was following in our unfortunate genetic footsteps, and luckily found a psychologist willing to take Medicaid and evaluate him.
Long story short, after a lengthy and exhausting 4.5 hour evaulation for him, our assumptions were confirmed that the boy has an anxiety disorder and the good ole' ADHD. The psychologist gave him an age appropriate crash course about what anxiety is and how he can learn to manage it with the help of his parents, teachers, and even role models.
I took him out to Park Meadows on our way home, promised him we could walk around and spend some time together and get an ice cream cone. We went to Dick's to check out the Avs section for fun. He immediately drifted to a Nathan MacKinnon youth jersey. I had that moment I think every father has had of intense sadness and frustration along the lines of SHIT if I just made more money or had decided to be a lawyer or something I could buy that for him.
Then, the boy turned to me and said "Daddy, can we get this so when I feel my anxiety I can remember to be brave like Nathan MacKinnon?"
And you had better believe that in that moment, being a dirt broke intern didn't matter. Bank accounts didn't matter. Student loans didn't matter. I gave zero financial fucks. He walked out of that store with a brand new Mack jersey so he could have that little push to be brave like his hero. Now he's walked around our apartment today, "Guys, I'm just OBSESSED with hockey!" Holding his mini stick, asking me to pretend referee his pretend face offs. And I cry again, but this time not because I worry for him, but because I feel so much comfort at the thought that in Nathan MacKinnon, the Avalanche, and the best sport in the entire world, he's found something that brings him some peace in the midst of anxiety.
Pictured: the two of us in his (mine) hand me down jersey for the home opener.
by zjamesw
24 Comments
Congrats fellow therapist (I’ve been practicing for 4 years now, fully licensed for 2)! It definitely sounds like a neuro divergent disorder for your kiddo. A lot of those things also line up with autism, which may prove to be more accurate down the line as he gets older (just my two cents).
And things will get better! Private practice is AMAZING, and doubles-triples your income.
Feel free to DM me if you want to talk more about diagnosises, one of my specialty’s is identifying Neuro-Spiciness!
I did not need to tear up at the gym dude. You’re a great dad, and a better role model than MacK could ever be for this little guy.
Thank you for sharing your story- as a father of a boy on the spectrum, I understand the feelings you shared, the uncertainty of the way my little buddy was responding when he was 2/3 and the wonderful and challenging times we have had. He fell in love with hockey around 3 and still loves hockey at 20. In fact we are going to the game tonight for some father/son time and hopefully turn the luck for the Avs! Your story and so many like it are why this community is amazing and Hockey fandom brings people together. I can only speak of my experience, but I can tell you with love and understanding it will all be ok. It is hard being a Dad, hard feeling like you cannot give them everything. Give them your all as you are, and it will work out. Peace and Love.
My daughter has autism and also absolutely loves the avs and her favorite player is Nathan Mackinnon too.
Thanks for sharing your story Avs Dad. Sports is a great mechanism to work through things mentally as a kid (and adult). I’m glad your son is finding that his connection with the Avs can serve that purpose while also finding his love of the game itself. Another W for Little Buddy is that he’s got you and your wife supporting him through life’s challenges right now and into the future, so keep it up!
Why do you gotta make me cry in a parking lot. You’re a great father and never fucking forget it.
Dude, this is what being a dad is all about. He’ll never forget this. Worth every penny man. Way to go and I’m not crying, you’re crying.
As a Social worker and a father. I applaud you. Hockey is so much bigger than we give credit for.
I relate to this on so many levels. My heart goes out to you and your family. Thanks for the reminder that I need to be brave like MacK every day while I go through this difficult time to make my life better for me, my son, and my family. I’m cheering for you and yours as well!
Edit: adding photo of my kiddo in his MacK jersey at his first (and so far only) Avs game back in 2022.
https://preview.redd.it/1yhm947a67vd1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b8fd297d21dea8360dc5b13e5b3c98d708aa3c0c
You made my heart so happy reading especially being a mom to a 3 year old boy who loves Avs hockey too! You are such an amazing dad and I am so happy that hockey and MacKinnon moves you forward.
Just in case it’s helpful, I’ve really enjoyed the “Pop Culture Parenting” podcast. May give some good insights or reassurance as you guys continue on your family’s journey. Rooting for the Avs and for Little Buddy.
Ok I’m crying in the club
You got this fam. When we say “hockey is for everyone” that means it’s for the neurodivergent, fidgety, anxious, stressed out, whatever other beautiful awesome things someone might be too. Fellow anxiety rollercoaster rider just here to share that there’s lots of us who share yours and your little dude’s experience, and we all have what it takes to live happy healthy fulfilling love-filled lives. Thanks for sharing your story, it will inspire others!
Sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind and go for it. I guarantee you kid won’t remember that things were financially tight, but he’ll never forget the way he felt after getting that jersey. Cheers and GO AVS!
What a great story, got me a little teary-eyed. I just started a Master’s program to become an Occupational Therapist. As someone who struggles with generalized anxiety and attention problems, I’m drawn to helping kids like your little guy. You’re a great dad!
Somehow your post kicked dirt into my eyes. That must be it. In all seriousness, being a Dad is a tough and often unappreciated job, but you’re clearly killing it. You’re keeping your dude safe, giving him help where you can and getting him help when you need more, and making him feel like a champion. Job well done.
Hey fellow therapist here (graduated in 2022). The field is tough at times for sure. Thanks for sharing your story, go Avs!
This was really moving, thank you for sharing. I have 2 kids with ADHD and I’d recommend having him listen to “ADHD Is Awesome” by the Holderness family. I love how it reframes ADHD as a superpower.
This is great. I’m going through some similar things with my son, though he’s a little bit younger so we will see where things end up.
Do you have a cashapp? I’d like to kick you some funds for being a kick ass dad and human. Let me know here or in dm.
Avs fan, dad and therapist (15 years). Feel free to DM me and if you’re in Denver we can grab a beer and chat. Takes a village
Late diagnosed adhd and autistic adult here, just wanted to say it makes me so happy that you are attentive to your son’s needs and are looking for early diagnosis and intervention because it can really help a lot. I’m gonna remember to be brave like Nathan MacKinnon too now whenever I’m overwhelmed :’)
Thanks for sharing your story.
Fuck man, as a parent I can’t help but tear up at this one. It’s a reminder that yeah, hockey is just a game and there are things that are more important. But sometimes the game and what is really important intersect and that is when this game is truly the best.
From one dad to another, well done! Parenting is tough and when my son was younger he had sensory issues and his fine motor skills were lacking. Fortunately he made huge strides and now as a 12 year old he’s kicking ass! He absolutely loves hockey and one of my favorite things in the world is to watch Avs games with him. We have season tickets up in the 300 level but if you ever think your son is ready for a game in the crowd and not a suite let me know and I’ll give you my 2 seats for a game. Go Avs and go Nate Dogg!
You’re such an awesome dad! I wish I had grown up with a present and loving father. Your kiddo is very fortunate.
I can relate and empathize with your parenting experience as our two kids both have ADHD and anxiety. Our youngest also has OCD and is autistic. My wife and I have ADHD, too, among other things that I won’t list to avoid a novel. We are a very neurospicy family.
My wife is a therapist in private practice in Alaska (after cutting her teeth doing low-paying agency work for ~5 years). I’m not sure about your area but, up here, in private practice, $180-240 are typical hourly rates. As a therapist your financial future will be bright so long as you live within your means and consider private practice in the long term.
It’s a great impactful career so long as you’re well trained and maintain competency. Few careers give professionals the ability to make such a dramatic long-term impact on people who in turn make society better (especially by stopping the cycle of generational trauma). Improving people’s lives through therapy has been SO fulfilling for my wife. Occasionally she even has former clients reach out years later to thank her for changing their lives for the better.
Cheers and go Avs!